Previously on Potter Puppet pals
by WeirdnessTimesTwo
Summary: Caution: This story has no plot or point to it in any way whatsoever. However, if you are interested in reading something completely random and pointless, then feel free to read this story. May even be more random than When Anti-Depressants Attack.


PREVIOUSLY ON POTTER PUPPET PALS  
DUMBLEDORE: You look like a banana.  
RON: I don't look like a banana but I know what does.  
RON, DUMBLEDORE, AND MJ: Everything is super when you're GAY!!  
HERMIONE: Suddenly, I feel very very stupid.  
HARRY: YES!  
VOLDEMORT: Who wants fresh-baked cookies??  
SNAPE: They were ready at 27:83, and I'm not on crack.  
HARRY: Oh, yes, you are.  
SNAPE: So? Did you know you're a pixie muffin?  
HERMIONE: YAY!  
RON: Do you think I look cute in this hat?  
DUMBLEDORE: NO!  
RON: Well.  
MALFOY: Are you gonna make me be a green fairy again?  
SNAPE: What are you talking about? You're not a green fairy.  
MALFOY: Oh, thank God.  
SNAPE: You're the pink princess.  
MALFOY: NO! That's worse than a green fairy!  
HARRY: Oh, this is gonna be good. This might be more popular than 'Kid Spells His Name Wrong.'  
RON: That kid what so stupid. Did you know that E=MC squared?  
HERMIONE: No, I didn't.  
EVERYONE ELSE: Oh, my God!  
HARRY: Did you two switch bodies or something?  
RON: Oh, Harry, my boy. (Harry shudders) You should know, even with your infinitesimally small mind, that bilocation is out of the realm of physical possibilities.  
HERMIONE: Did he just say 'infinitesticle?'  
EVERYONE ELSE: You just said the secret word! (Everybody screams)  
HARRY: Ron, for the first time in your life you said something so smart I didn't understand it. Now, how do you spell your name?  
RON: Oh, that's easy. R-O-N-A-L-D W-E-A-S-L-E-Y.  
HERMIONE: No, it's not. Your name is spelled R-O-O-N-I-L W-A-Z-L-I-B. You said so on 'Kid Spells His Name Wrong.'  
HARRY: And what is the title, Hermione? God, I feel like I'm talking to Ron. Brainicus Normalus!  
HERMIONE: I'm me again!  
RON: I have a penis. And it's the size of a cocktail weiner.  
HARRY: You know, we really didn't need to know that.  
DUMBLEDORE: I did.

VOLDEMORT: Who wants cookies?

DUMBLEDORE: Do it again!

SNAPE: Do I have to?

DUMBLEDORE: Yes!

SNAPE: sigh (in an unenthusiac monotone) My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

My life is better than yours

Damn right, it's better than yours

I could teach you but I have to charge.

RON: (still singing but more enthusiastic) If you want it-why did we stop singing?

VOLDEMORT: (dressed as Santa) Who wants presents?

HERMIONE: It's not even Christmas.

HARRY: Don't care, I want presents! Especially if one of them's Ginny without a shirt!

GINNY: Please stop talking about me like I'm not here.

HARRY: Ginny! Take your shirt off! If you do, it will be the best Christmas ever!

GINNY: Not while everyone's watching! And it's not even Christmas!

HARRY: So, is that a maybe?

GINNY: Later.  
HARRY: YAY!

HARRY: (wakes up in a daze) Oh, what did I do last night? sees Ron OH MY GOD!

RON: Good morning, Harry!

HARRY: What did we do last night?

RON: Well, we did each other's makeup, and painted each other's toenails, and talked about boys.

HARRY: Oh, so we just had an incredibly girly sleepover? That's not nearly as bad as what I thought.

RON: And we had sex.

HARRY: WHAT?!

RON: Nothing.

HARRY: Do you remember anything?

SNAPE: I remember most of my miserable life. Why do you ask?

HARRY: Yeah, do you remember any time when you were happy and people were laughing?

SNAPE: I was never happy and the only time people laugh is when they're laughing at me.

HARRY: Did these people laugh at you a few weeks ago?

SNAPE: No?

HARRY: Nevermind!

VOLDEMORT: Milk.

GINNY: Have you noticed Voldemort's acting a bit odd today?

HARRY: You're acting odd.

GINNY: No I'm not, that doesn't even make sense.

HARRY: You're not a real time.

GINNY: That makes even less sense.

HARRY: I'm not good at comebacks today! (to Voldemort) Voldy, did you take some of Snape's funny candy?

VOLDEMORT: No.

RON: Is it your time of the month? Maybe you should take some Midol.

VOLDEMORT: I am not a girl!

RON: Yes you are!

HARRY: (to Hermione) Why do they call it the face of a clock, it doesn't even look like a face. Do people not have that much of a life that they just sit around and make up words so we could be confused by them?

HERMIONE: I don't know. What a minute, I don't know something, I'm scared!

RON: Don't be scared, it happens to me all the time.

HERMIONE: Now, I'm even more scared!

HARRY: Hey, Hermione, what's the color of- God damn it, these papers keep falling- clear?

HERMIONE: Oh that's easy. Clear, but clear's not a color? I'm confused!

HARRY: This is more entertaining than cable.

DUMBLEDORE: I'm a pretty pony!

HARRY: I knew it!

RON: If you're a pony, then I'm an ostrich named Nikki McBluejay.

HARRY: So, Hermione, wanna set fire to all the curtains?

HERMIONE: Why?

HARRY: Why not?

HERMIONE: Can't argue with that logic.

NEVILLE: I've got the gasoline!

HARRY: Since when are you cool enough to take part in something rebellious?

NEVILLE: Since I stabbed my grandmother...38 times!

HARRY: Okay, Neville, we'll just leave you to be a serial killer. (to Hermione) Let's get the hell away from him!

NEVILLE: evil laughter I'm all evil and stuff.

HARRY: (to Voldemort) Go kill someone!

VOLDEMORT: I can't. My grandmother won't let me.

HARRY: AHHH! Role reversal!

SNAPE: Why does everyone assume I have funny candy? I don't believe in fun. It's against my religion.

HERMIONE: What is your religion?

SNAPE: Snapeism.  
VOLDEMORT: (to Neville) I must have left my evil with this clumsy child. Evilus Returnum.  
NEVILLE: I'm not bad anymore, and I have this voodoo doll of my grandmother, stabbed 38 times! Who did this?  
VOLDEMORT: You did.  
NEVILLE: Your mother is a ******** ********ing ********loromitsum******* ****** ***agmenonveniem***** ******* **** trrraguna**** **************** ***** hippopotamus ******* ********* *****Rebublican****** **** ****and Daniel Radcliffe****with a bucket of********* ******* and in a castle far away where no one can hear you*************Soup*****************with more buckets of****Mickey Mouse*****and a stick of dinamite************************************************* Magical***** *********** *****Alacazam! I hope my grandmother doesn't find out!  
VOLDEMORT: Oh, Neville, you've got a Howler from your grandmother.  
NEVILLE: (crying) Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  
HARRY: So do you want to burn down those curtains?  
HERMIONE: Hell yeah!  
HARRY: Hermione, write down all the things you don't know.  
HERMIONE: Why did you give me a book to write in?  
HARRY: Oh, that must be for Ron. You just get a tiny piece of paper.

RON: I found the cookies!

HERMIONE: (hands paper back to Harry) Here's all the stuff I don't know.

HARRY: It's blank.  
HERMIONE: That's right. It's blank. (exits)

RON: Can I write down all the stuff I _do _know?

HARRY: Here's a piece of paper.

DUMBLEDORE: Why is there a cult of pregnant pandas in my office?

NEVILLE: I put them there. Muhahaha!

HARRY: That's not very evil.

NEVILLE: I know.

HERMIONE: Meep.

HARRY: Meep? What's meep?

HERMIONE: Meepmeep.

HARRY: Hermione?

HERMIONE: Cooka pooka dance party. Doodoodoodoodoo. Cooka pooka dance party. Doodoodoodoodoo.

HARRY: Hermione, what the hell?

HERMIONE: SingingYankee doodle went to town shitting on your mommy. His cucumber went up her ass and they called it salami.

HARRY: Did you take some of Snape's funny candy?

SNAPE: For the last time, I don't have funny candy!

HARRY: How can you tell if a panda's pregnant, anyway? I mean, they're so fat to begin with.

NEVILLE: They're only pregnant if you believe they're pregnant.

HERMIONE: This one's a boy.

HARRY: How can you tell?

HERMIONE: He has a cucumber.

RON: Oh my God! All of the curtains are on fire!

HARRY: Muahahahaha!

HERMIONE: I helped!

HARRY: Speaking of cucumbers, why are strawberries and tomatoes the only fruits that have their own festivals?

HERMIONE: I don't know but it's an injustice!

HARRY: They should have a cucumber festival.

HERMIONE: Or a melon festival.

HARRY: What about a cucumber-melon festival? We could have fried cucumber, chocolate coated cumber, cucumber flavored cotton candy...

HERMIONE: Ewww.

HARRY: Ice cream flavored cucumbers, cucumbers on a stick like corn dogs with ranch dressing you could dip it in like ketchup, all that stuff with melons but yogurt fruit dip instead of ranch dressing.

HERMIONE: That actually sounds disgusting when paired with melons.

HARRY: My aunt Petunia makes it in the summer. It's very good. It's the only reason I come back to the Dursleys.

HERMIONE: THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! They could sell cucumber-melon lotion!

RON: They have that at Baath & Bodee Wirkz... with glitter!

HARRY: Uhh yeah. And the boys could wear shirts that say, "My cucumber's bigger than your's."

HERMIONE: And the girls could wear shirts that say, "Feel my melons."

HARRY: And the back could have a picture of an actual big cucumber and the words "What did you think we meant, whore?!"

HERMIONE: And ours could have stuffed felt melons.

RON: AHHHH! Something's coming out of the panda!

DUMBLEDORE: Relax, it's probably just a turd. (looks down) Oh my.

HERMIONE: She's giving birth! Neville, this one _was_ pregnant!

NEVILLE: I was right!

HARRY: Everyone! Mark your calendars! Neville was right!

NEVILLE: Hey, what am I? Ron?

RON: Yeah what is he- wait, now I'm offended. (looks down) So that's where babies come from?

GINNY: Yes, I told you 3 times, already!

RON: You said babies came from the stork!

GINNY: No, I didn't!

RON: I've been living a lie! (runs off)

HARRY: Shifty is God.

EVERYONE: What?

HARRY: Brian is the Holy Spirit and DJ is Jesus and Jess Smith is Jesus' brother, Craig, who was excommunicated from Heaven.

HERMIONE: That's very true. Now, who wants a baby panda?

EVERYONE: AWWWWW! THEY'RE SO CUTE!

HARRY: I just realized, I'm thousands, possibly millions of miles away from home.

RON: And you say I'm stupid.

HARRY: That means I can say this without anyone caring...DUDLEY'S A DOUCHE!

HERMIONE: That's probably true but we're still in England and England isn't thousands of miles wide.

HARRY: Oooh, look who's the smart one for once.

HERMIONE: I've always been the smart one.

RON: Yeah, Harry, you're acting stupid.

HARRY: Oh, look who's talking!

RON: Yeah, you're probably right. Hey wait!

HARRY: Well, honesty is the best policy.

SNAPE: I think llamas are cool.

HARRY: See, you do have funny candy, I'm not crazy!

SNAPE: I don't have funny candy! I must have told you that like three times today!

HERMIONE: But you just said that you love llamas.

SNAPE: What? A guy can't assert his love for llamas without being on crack?

HARRY: Not you at lest.

SNAPE: 5000 points from Gryfyndor!

HARRY: Oh, he's not on crack, I guess we can't have a fun adventure.

SNAPE: What fun adventure were you planning?

RON: Oh we were just goining to go to the forbidden forest and let you play with Aragog.

SNAPE: That's good, maybe I'll die.

RON: I thought your anti-depress-a-pils were supposed to make you not depressed.

HARRY: Ron, other than the fact that you mispronounced anti-depressants, you brought up a good point.

RON: I did? It's a miracle! And you thought I was stupid.

SNAPE: No, you're wrong and you're all stupid.

HERMIONE: Hey, I know more than you!

SNAPE: Really, what's the sound of one hand clapping?

HERMIONE: One hand clapping makes no sound since the act of clapping requires the use of two hands, one hand cannot clap and therefore, it makes no sound.

SNAPE: Damn it!

HERMIONE: And since I am smarter than you I can give you a Z.

SNAPE: Nooooooooo!

RON: I got a Z once.

SNAPE: That's because I gave it to you.

DUMBLEDORE: Hey, Ron, is that blue monkey still in Snape's bathroom?

RON: Yeah, I think so.

DUMBLEDORE: Does it still smell like purple?

RON: No, I think it's more of an orange smell.

SNAPE: Just for the record, I really do like llamas.

RON: How do we know when this falshback ends?

HARRY: It ends right after this. (to Snape) Tell us the truth!

SNAPE: Okay, I'll admit it. I do have funny candy!

HARRY: I knew it!

SNAPE: Sometimes I like to go into the dungeon late at night and take this.

HERMIONE: This isn't crack, it's a giant lollipop with funny nose glasses.

SNAPE: Sometimes, I even prtetend to laugh at it.

HARRY: That's disturbing, now it ends.

_PRESENTLY ON POTTER PUPPET PALS_

HARRY: Why would someone make a story about stuff we did in the past that never actually happened?

JESS AND JESSIE: Because we can.

HARRY: Just because you're the writers doesn't mean that you can do whatever you want.

JESSIE: Actually, it kinda does.

HARRY: I betcha can't make Ron straight.

RON: Oh come on, Harry, that's imposs-I LOVE FOOTBALL! Hey, Hermione, you have a nice ass.

HERMIONE: (blushing) Oh, Ron.

HARRY: Can you make Hermione stupid?

JESS: See above.

JESSIE: We already did that.

HARRY: Ok, can you make Snape happy?

JESS: See "When Anti-depressants Attack."

JESSIE: It's an entire fanfic devoted to that very idea.

JESS AND JESSIE: It's also the one where Snape gets his funny candy.

SNAPE: I DON'T HAVE FUNNY CANDY!

HARRY: Can you make him admit it?

JESS: Well, I suppose we could...

JESSIE: But what would be the fun in that?

HARRY: Well, can you make Dumbledore depressed?

JESS: Again, see when "Anti-depressants Attack."

JESSIE: That entire fanfic is devoted to the OOCness of Snape and Dumbledore?

RON: What's OOCness?

HERMIONE: Out of characterness.

RON: Isn't character spelled with a k?

HARRY: Can you make Ron smart?

JESS: Again, see above.

JESSIE: We already did that.

RON: Can you make Harry lame?

JESS: We could...

JESSIE: But why would we want to?

HARRY: Oh yeah! Awesome! You can't make me lame. you can't make me lame!

JESS AND JESSIE: Don't test us!

HARRY: You can't make me-I like collecting insect wings and shining them with my spit, and then I like to go deep in the dungeon and study raisins!

HERMIONE: I don't even do that and I'm a nerd!

HARRY: Ok, don't ever do that again. But one more question. Can you make Nevel cool?

JESS AND JESSIE: We can't work miracles.

**THE END!!!**

_AFTER CREDITS SCENE_

SNAPE: It's a good thing no one found out that you actually exist. (pulls out a lollipop with funny eyebrow-nose glasses on it). Oh, you're so funny. Hahahaha. Now let's do some crack together. (does crack) Weeeeeee! I have funny candy! I have funny candy! I have funny cadyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhehehehe!

HARRY: Oh, you can make him admit it.

JESS: We made it fun too.

JESSIE: But that was a challenge.

JESS AND JESSIE: Now, back to Pixopolis. ( we fly away on magical unicorns that poop rainbows.)

HARRY: WTF?


End file.
